Paralegal

Regular People

Ran into a lawyer today. He regaled me of a horrific time he had just had while being forced to travel via commercial airplane. Apparently the weather suddenly took a turn for the worse, and the airline cancelled his flight. He said:  “Thankfully, there was a Westin at the Airport, but I had my nanny, and my two kids, it was hell. I felt so sorry for all those regular people just standing there at the gate. They looked like they didn’t even have any credit cards.”

I just nodded my head in agreement. Yes, that surely is a terrible problem you had to overcome. A. Big Shot Attorney has it so rough!

 

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Hate Your Paralegal Job? What Other Fields Can Provide an Escape?

If you hate your paralegal job and are exploring other career opportunities, I really like this list (even though it is super old) that was posted on the Practical Paralegalism blog: http://www.practicalparalegalism.com/2009/05/listserv-answer-what-else-can-you-do.html

If you have read my book, then you know that there was really only one viable long-term answer for me. Find something you love and grow it. You can find yourself in a paralegal job that is tolerable, but that isn’t what life is supposed to be. We should be thriving and growing in all aspects of our life.

My experience in the field led me to the conclusion that being a paralegal was a dead-end job for me. I understand that not everyone feels that way, and it probably has a lot to do with personality traits. I have seen a lot of lawyers over the years who view paralegals as servants instead of valued professionals who have intelligent perspectives to bring to each case. Unfortunately, my experience is that a majority of lawyers and firms want to exploit their paralegals into working five jobs at once. You must at all times be able to switch between being a receptionist, waitress, travel agent, administrative assistant, and paralegal. This is just exhausting. Making the mental switch between different roles and tasks while under constant performance pressure to complete actual case work is just not a livable situation.

Paralegals as a group of people are highly capable, organized, and helpful creatures. But, just because we are capable of doing five jobs at once does not mean that we want that, or that it is actually the most efficient way to use us for generating profits and helping clients. It’s sad, actually. To have a pile of case files in front of you with a list of substantive work to complete, and to have to mentally fight to concentrate to accomplish the smallest thing because your boss needs you to answer his phone, book his plane tickets, and schedule a deposition. Then, at the end of the day, he will bless you out because you didn’t get the draft discovery responses to him before he left for his 4:00 pre-dinner cocktail hour.

I have heard some transition stories from a few people who have been able to become executive assistants. However, the ultimate outcome was the same as far as what happens when you just pick another psychopath to work for (you are just choosing a different type of hell). Psychopath lawyer vs. psychopath CEO. Pretty much the only difference is the size of their private jet, but you probably aren’t going to be on it, anyway.

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A. Big Shot Attorney Seeks Secretary with Benefits

http://blogs.findlaw.com/greedy_associates/2011/12/lawyer-suspended-for-secretary-with-benefits-ad-on-craigslist.html

I can’t imagine why anyone would hate being a paralegal when there are so many awesome A. Big Shot Attorneys out there to hire you. Are you sure you want to be a Paralegal?

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10 Reasons You Have to Quit Your Job

This article gives me chills!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-altucher/quit-your-job_b_5111751.html

 

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Sacrificing to Make Your Lawyers Richer

I am in the middle of reading The Everything Store, Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon and I was just compelled to post. The thing about working for any organization is that it is designed to exploit you until you drop. You quit and then they will just find someone else to replace you, no big deal. You pack up your things and it will be as though you were never even there.

I am not even 150 pages in, and there are two points that have already reached out and slapped me in the face. The first point was that when Bezos began the company, he expected everyone to work constantly, sacrificing everything else to build the company. If it is your company, that definitely makes sense. If you are just working in a company, you are a fool to let yourself get exploited like this. Killing yourself to make someone else richer is not what life is. The days where loyalty and hard work are rewarded are long over. I believe the official name of the department is Human Resources, but we should just call it Central Office of Exploitation. The moment you quit running at 8 mph on the treadmill is the moment you get replaced. The book even explicitly states that if anyone had the gall to hint at a work/life balance they wouldn’t get hired.

On page 101 we have a direct quote: “Then the steely-eyed founder replaced them with a new and more experienced group of believers. Watching the company move on without them gave these employees a gnawing sensation, as if their child had left home and moved in with another family. But in the end, as Bezos made abundantly clear to Shel Kaphan, Amazon had only one true parent.”

This is how every law firm feels about its employees too, folks. This struck a chord with me because I remember all too well how it stung when I realized that I had given my heart and soul to an organization who did not care about me the way that I cared about them. In particular, I remember sitting across the desk from a named partner (and my direct supervisor) and he brought up the word “sacrifice.” I told him in no uncertain terms that my days of sacrifice were over. I was not prepared to make personal sacrifices for someone else’s company anymore. No additional bonus money or overtime pay was in it for me, so there was no point in it. He didn’t get it. He needed me to work 60 hours a week, that was all he cared about.  

I remember another conversation with a partner at a different law firm. This guy looked me in the eyes and said “You can have all the overtime you want. I want to see how hard you can work.” I tried that out, and when I compared my paychecks, I was dismayed to find that after just ten hours of overtime I was actually working at way less than my hourly wage after the taxes got through with me! I went to the bathroom and vomited after I thought about what all those hours really meant. I figured I had generated an additional $2,000 for the firm in billings and got to keep a whopping $16.00 an hour for my trouble. It makes me sick to this day.

When you sit back and think about how you sacrificed your personal health, your relationships, and even your very spiritual growth to help a law firm generate thousands of dollars only so you could pretty much just afford to treat yourself to one nice meal on Saturday night, I’m sorry but that tends to make me feel like a real asshole. I would rather sit home and have a few friends over for burgers instead of the scrap money.  

And in small towns, they conspire to cap your salaries, you know. I was told as much by Mr. Overtime before I got hired. He named the other two big firms in town and told me to “Check them out, I’m sure they won’t give you a better offer. You think we don’t talk to each other?” These men sit around the bar at their golf club and make gentlemen’s agreements that they won’t pay their paralegals more than $55,000 a year so that no one can leave and do better elsewhere (as best I can gather). The lawyers will tell you that “the market is bad,” and then drive off in their $120,000 Porsche. The market is bad because the top dogs in town conspired to keep the market bad, and there will always be someone new to exploit for hard work in exchange for peanuts.

My greatest wish for paralegals (and all employees, actually), is that everyone quit being an employee. We all need to leave and take our skills away and work as independent contractors for an actual living (and fair wage according to our skill sets) for other individuals who value what we have to offer. Because the organizations sure as hell don’t value us. And they never will.

 

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Self Actualization

An associate lawyer asks: “Are we any better than slaves?” This is a condition that is plaguing the legal field. It is an absolute cancer.

miserableassociate's avatarMiserable Associate

What they don’t understand is that we’re not insisting that our work give us joy, meaning, fulfillment, or self-actualization. Stephen Pollan was right when he said, “Remember: Work is the area in your life that gives you the best chance to earn money.” “You can help the world by volunteering. You can be creative through a hobby. You can get a sense of purpose and a feeling of joy by caring for your family. You can be spiritually uplifted at a house of worship.” If we say that we want our work to matter, it’s because our work has robbed us of the time that we need to take care of our need for these other outlets. We have no ability to flourish outside of work, so we articulate our life’s deficiencies by complaining about what our work doesn’t offer. But what we really want is time to be human…

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What Lawyers Really Think of Paralegals

This clip about sums it up:

“Let me explain further. I don’t mean to insult paralegals out there – you do a great job (some of you) – but don’t start to think that you’re “better” than JDs.  The paralegal students I taught, at an ABA-accredited paralegal program, found it hard to understand basic legal concepts, wrote like middle school kids, lacked motivation, and were doing this because they had nothing else to do with their lives.  A couple were highly-motivated and smart, but most weren’t.  Most were rather stupid to be honest. Most just didn’t care.  The work I graded was embarrassingly bad.”

http://outsidethelawschoolscam.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-jd-as-sub-paralegal-qualification.html

 

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Lawyers and Paralegals/Legal Assistants – Top 10 Unhappiest Jobs in America

I knew it, it wasn’t just me after all. Nothing was wrong with me. I didn’t have some fatally flawed personality that made me incapable of working in law. Turns out CareerBliss did a recent survey on job satisfaction. Guess what the rankings are for lawyers and the people who take care of them? Gee, I wonder why that is?

Associate lawyer ranked #1 unhappiest job in America, closely followed by the paralegal/legal assistant at #7. There is a very real reason for that and you don’t just have to take my word on it!

http://abovethelaw.com/2013/03/unhappiest-job-in-america-take-a-guess/

 

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Favorite Emails/Comments From the Book

“I did everything in Vegas fitting a person of my station.”

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Associate to Legal Secretary: “Was that A. Big Shot Attorney Who Just Yelled “F%$#!”

Legal Secretary: “No, that was Other Associate.”

Associate to Legal Secretary: “Good, that means I don’t have to deal with it.

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A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegal: “Why the F%$# is my computer not fixed?!”

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A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegal: “I am busy and cannot remember everything I give to you, and I rely upon you to bring any conflicts in work to my attention or to find someone to assist you so that both attorney’s work can be timely accomplished. Moreover, you indicated that you would do the tapes ASAP, but you left for lunch and it was not done. Please ask me if you need help. If you have any questions, please let me know.”

Minion Paralegal to A. Big Shot Attorney: “I apologize for leaving to eat lunch before starting your tape. It will not happen again.”

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A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegals: “I should not have to mess with or even think about this stuff. It may be surprising, but most of the stuff I do is very high stress and complicated. I do not want to hear about this again. There may be other lawyers that do things differently and I do not care.”

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Managing Big Shot Attorney to Entire Staff: “The firm is appreciative of the great brunch prepared by the staff yesterday. The food was delicious and we always enjoy a brief time of relaxation with our staff.”

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Litigation Paralegal Salary

The average litigation paralegal salary in the United States seems to hover right around $50,000. I can tell you that as a trial paralegal I made a lot more than that (including base and bonuses, and rightfully so). Compensation packages should be tailored for every individual, and it is important to strike the right number so that employees stay motivated to strive to perform.

The emotional, psychological, physical, spiritual, and mental toll is very high on paralegals. The pressure is very high, and the sacrifice is very high. Remember, your trial paralegals don’t stand to gain millions when it is all over with. But the rollercoaster ride is just the same. You want to make sure that you are evaluating your trial paralegals especially closely on an annual basis and striking a compensation package that keeps them lined up to take that ride with you over and over again. Otherwise, your good people will leave you. There are just too many other opportunities out there for awesome trial paralegals to make a good living.

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