Posts Tagged With: jackass lawyers

Being Called in on Saturday

An associate lawyer I know shared this little nugget with me. Once, when she was just starting out, her cell phone rang early on a Saturday morning. There weren’t any deadlines coming up, and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why her boss was calling her. When she answered the phone, he only gave her a cryptic: “I need you to get in here.”

She of course got dressed quickly and sped through several traffic lights to get in the office as soon as possible. When she arrived, her boss passed her in the hallway. She said to him: “What do you need?” His response? “I just think you need to be here working on Saturday.”

We both agreed that of course if he had something specific in mind, it was reasonable to ask her to work. The point is, there was literally nothing going on. She was begging for billables and he wasn’t delegating any tasks. She sat there and cleaned her office for a little while and then went home. Ridiculous!

Categories: Paralegal | Tags: , | 1 Comment

Emails/Comments That Didn’t Make the Book But Should Have

“I did everything in Vegas fitting a person of my station.”


Associate to Legal Secretary: “Was that A. Big Shot Attorney Who Just Yelled “F%$#!”

Legal Secretary: “No, that was Other Associate.”

Associate to Legal Secretary: “Good, that means I don’t have to deal with it.


A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegal: “Why the F%$# is my computer not fixed?!”


A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegal: “I am busy and cannot remember everything I give to you, and I rely upon you to bring any conflicts in work to my attention or to find someone to assist you so that both attorney’s work can be timely accomplished. Moreover, you indicated that you would do the tapes ASAP, but you left for lunch and it was not done. Please ask me if you need help. If you have any questions, please let me know.”

Minion Paralegal to A. Big Shot Attorney: “I apologize for leaving to eat lunch before starting your tape. It will not happen again.”


A. Big Shot Attorney to Minion Paralegals: “I should not have to mess with or even think about this stuff. It may be surprising, but most of the stuff I do is very high stress and complicated. I do not want to hear about this again. There may be other lawyers that do things differently and I do not care.”


Managing Big Shot Attorney to Entire Staff: “The firm is appreciative of the great brunch prepared by the staff yesterday. The food was delicious and we always enjoy a brief time of relaxation with our staff.”

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