Posts Tagged With: paralegal slave

“I Hate Paralegals”

According to my stats, the second most popular phrase that people are typing in to the Google search bar to find this website is “I Hate Paralegals.”

I can only assume that these searches are generated by asshole lawyers, and I just thought I would like to remind them that we hate them too.

Actually, I really don’t anymore.

But I do remember. I remember how awful most of you were – not just to your lowly staff, but to your own family members and to each other, and your clients too. I don’t hate you anymore, but I still think most of you are absolutely awful human beings, and I am thankful that I don’t have to get in the mud and dirty myself with you anymore.

I guess that’s closure or progress, or time healing wounds. I don’t know. I’m glad I don’t have the hate, because hate is ugly, and it blinds you, but it also lights the fire that makes you keep running until you don’t have to run anymore. Because you’re somewhere else now.

And you are happy, and not struggling right now, and all is well and light in the world.

We go up, and maybe, just maybe, we don’t come down again. Because we were already down so long that when we finally pick ourselves up, God himself smiles upon us and says, “You made it. You don’t have to worry anymore. You made it out. You found another way. And I will not let you fall now that you have made it out.”

That’s what I think. Things are not handed to you, but I think that when you fight and make it out, after awhile, you get to be safe. The psychological torture ends.


Categories: Paralegal | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

Rich Lawyer’s Wife Refers to Herself as a “Rich Piece of Shit”
I made the mistake of commenting about this video over on Above the Law the other day. How could I have forgotten about this? The wife call herself a rich piece of shit! That about sums it up. JoePesci over there had to put me in my place by reminding me of what he thought my permanent status in life is. And so, ladies and gents, I submit to you one more piece of evidence about what lawyers think of paralegals:

Rich piece of shit. Awesome. The Asian Hawaiian Monster was in fact a werewolf she saw drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s. And his hair…

  • Remember, you will always be a paralegal, but ask for help from a higher power, and take it one day at a time.

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On Bondage and Slavery

From time to time, I review the internet search results on my WordPress stats to determine how people are finding this blog. This week, poor litigation paralegal souls were somewhere out there pounding into the computer:

  • hate being a paralegal need a new job
  • jobs after being a paralegal
  • i hate being a paralegal
  • i don’t want to be a paralegal anymore
  • why i hate being a paralegal
  • hate being paralegal
  • psychopath lawyers
  • i hate my attorney

You hate it because to be employed under a lawyer is essentially to be a slave, or to live in bondage.

Slavery: severe toil; drudgery.

Bondage: captivity; restraint; prison.

No, you are most likely not physically whipped daily and raped by your master (probably, but I have heard some stories…). But, if you are typing those above-listed search terms into Google, you are most definitely being psychologically abused and you are a slave to your job if you have any financial commitments whatsoever. The boss knows this, and their behavior worsens because they know how difficult it is to find other work.

I hate to break it to you, but the second you have to ask another grown-up if you have their permission to go to a funeral, take care of your sick child, or go home for the holidays, you have just entered into slavery. What sort of place allows you to go out in the yard one time a day for an hour? Don’t they call that prison? Don’t you have to do something really reprehensible to wind up in prison?!

I don’t know when it became acceptable to live this way, but it makes me absolutely sick. Knowledge workers should not be voluntarily subjecting themselves to slavery. I am extremely suspicious of lawyers who require their paralegals to be sitting in a desk directly outside their office at all times. This is not a boss who wants a productive worker who is achieving measurable results. This is a boss who wants someone to yell at, play fetch with, and degrade in front of clients and co-workers. I know, having been that dog for the longest six months of my entire life.

How did this happen to the American people? How did so many of us become working slaves? It baffles me. Thoughts?

Categories: Paralegal | Tags: , | 9 Comments

A. Big Shot Attorney and the New Litigation Paralegal

Once upon a time, when I had only been at my job a few months, I had occasion to bump into the managing partner in the lobby. I was standing there with my direct boss, and the managing partner said: “Who is this? I don’t believe I’ve ever met her before.”

The problem with the exchange is that the jerk HAD met me before. Twice, actually. The second time just one month prior, when I spent an entire Sunday helping him on a project. This was a project that involved multiple face to face exchanges between just the two of us, not something where he only passed by once and saw me in a sea of other faces in a large conference room.

The law firm is not so large that he should be forgetting the names of any employees, and he certainly should make it a point to remember the person who came in on a Sunday just to help him out at the last minute.

But he didn’t. Because I was faceless and nameless to him. A cog in the wheel. The help. I was a paralegal slave, not an actual team member. I remember that day and how irritated I was to come in. When it was over, I told myself that I did a good job and that it would be worth it later because I worked on a big, important project for one of the biggest shot attorneys in the entire organization. I was wrong. He didn’t even remember who I was. It was like it never even happened.

And that was another day I wasted away from my family helping a stranger get ahead. Someone who would never even remember my sacrifice or my hard work.

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“In Praise of the Paralegal”

“Professional trained to practice with us – not serve us.” Looks like every lawyer I have ever worked with never read this article:

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