Paralegal

7 Reasons Why Working for Lawyers Will Drive You Completely Insane

Looking back over the years I served as a litigation paralegal, there were a few things that would constantly happen at work that used to drive me completely insane. If you are considering attending paralegal school or researching the paralegal field for a possible career switch, please pay attention.

Daily tasks that drove me insane (in no particular order):

  1. Lawyer to paralegal:  “_____ is coming in to meet with me in five minutes. Can you have the contract, all the documents that have been produced by all parties, and our firm’s file ready for review?”
  2. “Out of an abundance of caution” tasks. This is lawyer-speak that translates to “I don’t know what the hell to do, so we’re just going to do everything and see if something sticks.” Nothing like spinning around in circles all day long because your boss is an incompetent moron! 
  3. “I need you to do this ASAP!” You practically have to keep a spreadsheet so you can keep track of all your ASAP projects and the reasons why nothing is getting done on them (which actually involves a second sub-page spreadsheet of the ASAP projects that bumped the lesser ASAP projects).
  4. Constantly rescheduling events that should go forward except for the fact that the lawyer just isn’t in the mood anymore.
  5. They don’t like to give instructions, yet if you don’t do something (that they think you should intuitively know to do) that they never actually told you to do, you will catch hell for it.
  6. They are completely incapable of answering your emails or in-person questions. Usually, just lead with the most critical question, because no way have I ever seen a lawyer answer a two or three part email question.
  7. They will interrogate you in front of co-workers until you start to squirm or stutter. This could go on for awhile, so never ever go to work without eating a big breakfast.

Endless reasons to hate being a paralegal.

Are you sure you want to be a Paralegal?

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Thanksgiving with a Lawyer

I’ll never forget one of the first jobs I ever had as a litigation paralegal. I worked for a boutique litigation firm and I was an admitted money-maker and all around superstar employee, yet I made an hourly wage and still sort of got treated as though I were working at Taco Bell instead of doing substantive legal work. Nevertheless, things were generally good until the day after Thanksgiving rolled around.

My predecessor tried to warn me, but it was something I had to experience myself. The first two years on the job, this guy would make me come in the day after Thanksgiving as if we were going to work a full day on the job. Problem was, when it would start getting close to lunch time, he would want to go home himself. He would say:  “Well…if there’s nothing pressing that you’ve got to get out today, I think it’d be okay if you knocked off a little early.”

It really was hysterical. For two years I said, “Okay, thank you. See you Monday.” The third year, after I had demonstrated my profitability MANY times over, I stood up for myself and asked him:  “You’re going to pay me for the rest of the day, right?”  You would have thought I had punched him in the face! He literally could not compute that I had propounded this question to him. He stuttered awkwardly as I looked him dead in the eye (completely unwilling to drop eye contact, talk first, or even blink) and waited through the uncomfortable (but only to him) silence.

“Yes, of course,” he finally managed to say.

By the time I had exited his office and returned to my desk, he had made a full recovery. He said:  “But let’s not make a habit of it.”

A few months later, I finally found myself a better paying job and was out of there! Just one more reason to hate being a paralegal.

Are you sure you want to be a Paralegal?

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Working on Sunday

bricks

I can’t prove it. But I’m pretty sure this guy’s boss made him work on Sunday. Are you sure you want to be a Paralegal? 

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